sunday note...

he wont admit it- he procrastination as in perfection- the he is an engineer with a sense he is smarter than a working dude construction. big time! yesterday after the return of the 4 RNR more fix of 165 due to the power steering leaking. we went to a lunch a shared a big sandwich at this place called champs. i had fat tire ale and drank it about 5 seconds. i was feel worn down by the looking for supplies and the showers as the pipes drip drip drip... he said why don't you have no interstellar interest in looking... as he messed around with his phone taking photos of bar codes for an app - his new phone - the click which has a twisted existence me also pissed off.. due to we decide for xmas to keep our phones for budgets purposes and going to europe. i was feeling bit slighted knowing he has phone with an app for bar codes... also what fun not for me since - he is a looker besides remodel shower products - we looked at tools... nothing bought just a lot of time looking around! , in my opinion. i felt ran over with him in schizo way. then since i was driving he keep telling me how to get to assorted stops for the the investigation of a shower remodel... i know how to get placing and have dead reckoning as in a bat. when i said - OK let my emotion go down now- he would get to a place that was wrong. i felt like putting him in the-back seat... crap, too much. the frickin phone ... with one last grip out- on friday he said - we are minutes and stop talking so much. as what i cant talk to my family - so you can mess on your fricking phone with all the dumb ass calls by his bottom or inexperience with the phone. crazy... gas lighting as i refereed to it before - is getting some one hopes up and as in make up or great things - so the other persons thinks hang on for longer. which usually ends up with no reward. i cant believe i still fall for that crap... what a dumb ass i am . we reseated and i went home and took a nap. he did not return until four pmish. hence nothing was accomplished.

moola monday

yo a public address

i have a ramble to tell you

a mate found l dead half gone 

with fur on the grill

ugh

a possum or big rat

every time for a long time 

4 runner

been breaking down 

sticky over heated 

etc whys hows

do dead animal

car problems

smell

insane

year 2011

one year i decided to think my mother is dead, it is good advice for some one who survivor-or abuse from a hyper sexual bi polar manic nut job.   how else can you feel safe?  especially when you confront people with question and there is no answer or refusal.  sowing i go on, i am grown woman and i am afraid of my mother who is a frail broken down woman with always the ailing health.  which makes me realize my fear of doctors and drugs even if i am alcoholic, addict and adulterer.  i am going with my truly happiness which is  a massage of the world with lack of oxygen for my brain.  entertainment and war, that is the score.   last year i learned that if your mama aint nice to you- you dont have be nice back.
now this...